Incarceration and the Family
Family Matters
Explaining Incarceration to Children
It is not beneficial to leave your child in the dark about the incarceration of their parent. No need to sugar coat the situation, it is best to keep the child in the loop of what is happening to their family. The rule of thumb: Do it early and do it often! It is important that your children know about their family situation and that the information you give them is appropriate for their developmental age. Keep the conversation open, and allow the child to ask questions freely and be curious about the situation. From early childhood, they need explanations that help them understand the barriers and disadvantages that are of concern to them. For the preschool-age child this may be as simple as “Why don't I see my daddy everyday” while for the adolescent, it may involve a conversation about the possible consequences or causes of the incarceration of their parent.
The key is to remember to adjust your information to your child’s age and understanding.
Effects of Incarceration on Children
To understand the effects of parental incarceration on a child, we must look at the totality of a family’s experiences involving a multiplicity of interrelated social, cultural, and familial factors, making it difficult to sort out the results of crime, arrest, and incarceration from ongoing life problems. To begin to understand these children’s difficulties, we must look at their experiences both before the incarceration and during the incarceration. Though some children may have enjoyed a fairly stable and nurturing preincarceration family life, most will have experienced considerable instability and possibly maltreatment, with the problems related to incarceration superimposed upon existing difficulties. Children’s circumstances will vary, and each may experience a unique combination of risk factors. In addition, each child will react differently to his or her experiences, and available services and supports for each child vary. These differences complicate our ability to understand children’s reactions to parental incarceration.
Sources of Stress for Children of Incarcerated Parents
Not all children will experience these stressful issues, but here are some to be aware of:
Embarrassment around peers; jealousy regarding amount of time other parents spend with their children
Frustration over not being able to engage or get a response from their incarcerated parent
Being the target of aggressive behaviors/expectations
Trying to make up for the deficits of their parent relationship
Concern regarding their parents’ stress and grief
Concern over their future going into adulthood missing a parent
Marital Satisfaction
Couples that are affected by mass incarceration face challenges that may have impact on their relationship. Parents often undergo more stress, and deal with more behavioral issues with their children when one of the parents is incarcerated. This can cause parents to take anger out on their relationship, or simply distracts them from having private time together, if visitation is allowed. Strategies such as developing common goals, increasing partner respect, securing social support, reducing stress, and instilling hope are all factors which support the development and maintenance of positive couple and co-parenting relationships.
Tips For The Whole Family
Get going
Getting your child started early in support programs will help. There are many details you will be managing as a newly single parent, while also supporting your incarcerated partner. Keep your child occupied with activities, and make sure you are giving them the love and care they need. It can be hard for a young child to accept the incarceration of a parent, so talk with them and keep them up to date on visitation and programs for building their relationship.
Ask for help
Asking for help can be very difficult, especially at first. Don’t hesitate to use whatever support is available to you. People around you may want to help, but may not know how. Is there someone who can take your kids somewhere for an afternoon? Or cook dinner for your family one night so that you can spend the time visiting your incarcerated significant other? Can someone pick a few things up for you at the store or do a load of laundry? Or let other people know you are going through a difficult time and could use a hand?
Talk to someone
Everyone needs someone to talk to. Let someone know what you are going through and how you feel. Someone who just listens can be a great source of strength. If you can’t get out of the house, use the phone to call a friend.
Consider joining a support group
It may be helpful to listen or talk to people who have been or are going through a similar experience. Support groups can be great sources of information about what services are available in your area and who provides them. You may have to try more than one to find a group that feels right to you. You may find you aren’t a “support group kind of person.” For many parents in your situation, support groups provide valuable hope, comfort and encouragement. You may also want to consider attending a recreational program for children with effected by incarceration. This may be a good way to meet other parents just like you.
Sources:
Foster, H., & Hagan, J. (2009). The Mass Incarceration of Parents in America: Issues of Race/ Ethnicity, Collateral Damage to Children, and Prisoner Reentry. The ANNALS of the American Academy of Political and Social Science,623(1), 179-194. doi:10.1177/0002716208331123
Wildeman, C., & Western, B. (2010). Incarceration in Fragile Families. The Future of Children,20(2), 157-177. doi:10.1353/foc.2010.0006
Wildeman, C. (2013). Parental Incarceration, Child Homelessness, and the Invisible Consequences of Mass Imprisonment. The ANNALS of the American Academy of Political and Social Science,651(1), 74-96. doi:10.1177/0002716213502921